It may seem strange to begin something with an ending, but that must just be how life works. Unfortunately, this story begins with several endings...year endings, broken engagements, failed relationships, horrid first dates, and my personal favorite: the lying "I'll call you" men. Not forgetting to mention that after every single one of these incidents, my "ending" only seems to be getting wider due to seeking comfort in my friend Cherry Garcia. Believe me, this is not a man-bashing blog. Most of these men had the incredible fore site to purchase jewelry that could usually be resold to jewelers or 1800-GOLD, only enabling my purse and shoe addiction. It is quite the contrary: it will help me clear the cobwebs of the past, leaving a squeaky clean area for Prince Charming to park his BMW.
This 90-Day detox is not old news to me, my mother reminds me of it every time another breakup occurs. Unfortunately, the stubbornness residing in my personality refused to believe that a woman with 25 years of successful marriage and 4 children actually knew what she was talking about. The turning moment actually occurred last night, New Years Eve. Being the sassy ladies we are, my life-long best friend joined me in celebrating the birth of baby New Year. Thinking that the bars would be full of singles, we gussied ourselves up and wore the tallest heels we could find. Upon entering the bar, our idea was proved incorrect; it was almost as if every single couple on Cape Cod was sent a memo to come out on New Years Eve. We were surrounded by them with no escape. Seeing all this young love and public displays of affection really got me going. It was my first "single" New Years Eve in 8 years, and it hit hard. Mack Truck Hard. Punched in the stomach with brass knuckles hard. Only adding insult to injury-- there was no midnight kiss for this lady (unless we count the straw of my drink). In return, my sadness was covered up by guzzling Cranberry Vodkas until basically turning into a Svedka bottle. Classy.
After the 3am binge of whatever we could possibly find in the kitchen, the gears really began turning. The mixture of alcohol and canola oil from the potato chips must of had a reaction inside of my head, and a conclusion was reached: I'm a relationship addict. My cure for a breakup was just finding another boyfriend. Being single is an uncomfortably foreign concept for me. But is this why relationships always ended badly for me? Can't tell now, but hopefully by day 90 it'll be clearer. Jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend really made me loose my identity-- I would just become whatever that specific boy would want in hopes of a successful relationship. My hobbies were their hobbies, my interests were their interests, and my mind was basically theirs for the taking. The individual identity, "Ceile", was a mere ghost. I had been Tom's/John's/Joe's (etc...) girlfriend for such a long time, I honestly lost myself along the way. "Ceile" didn't have a favorite color, a favorite band or a favorite movie. Which brings me to the exact point of this journey: to discover myself, Ceile.
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Love it, Ceile. You can do it!! Y
ReplyDeleteour new blog popped up on my Google Alerts (a search for my company name, The Sassy Ladies, and since you used these words, I found you.)
You are on the right track, discovering and publicly sharing this journey. It reminds me of a great book I read once by Henriette Klauser called "Write It Down, Make It Happen". Putting your intentions on paper (or on the blogosphere) can be very powerful.
2010 is going to be a good year, I can sense it. I hope the next 89 days of yours are enlightening.